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Review

Praise for Dr. Stephen Snyder and Love Worth Making:“An indispensable resource.” ―PsychCentral“Whether you’ve been married for twenty years or you’re in the swipe-right chapter of your life, Snyder makes a compelling case that the essence of good―rewarding, memorable, impassioned―sex is understanding our sexual selves.” ―GOOP“Hands down, the most practical, fun, and empowering book I’ve ever read on how to have a fabulous sex life in a committed relationship.” - Christiane Northrup, M.D., New York Timesbestselling author of Goddesses Never Age; Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom; and The Wisdom of Menopause“Love Worth Making does for sex therapy what Hamilton did for the Broadway musical. This playful yet profound book reminds us that sex should be easy and can be, once we learn how to get out of our own way.” ―Jennifer Ashton, M.D., Chief Medical Correspondent, ABC News and Good Morning America“Thoughtful, helpful . . . This sex therapist has the secret to great long-term relationship sex.” ―Brides Magazine Essential reading for anyone hoping to mate for life.” ―Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of Primates of Park Avenue and Untrue“Mandatory reading for anyone who wants a better understanding of what the other sex is thinking in the bedroom.” ―Debra W. Soh, PhD., sex columnist at Playboy.com “This is a ridiculously great book. I've easily read over 1,000 books in this genre and Love Worth Making is one of the best. Thank you, Dr. Snyder!” ―Laura Corn, New York Times bestselling of author of 101 Nights of Great Sex“Fantastic! I've never read anything quite like this. I enjoyed it immensely, and could hardly put it down.” ―Kendall Ryan, New York Times bestselling romance author of Mister Tonight and The Room Mate “I have long sought a book that I could comfortably and enthusiastically recommend to my patients that adequately addressed their relational sexual concerns. This is the book I've been searching for. I only wish I had written it first!” ―Daniel Watter, Ed.D., Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy “My go-to book for clients in long term relationships interested in understanding, enhancing, and deepening the connection in their sexual relationship.” ―Laurie Mintz, PhD, Professor of Psychology, University of Florida. Author, Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It“I am so glad to have two copies of Love Worth Making―one in my office and one on my bedside table!” ―Lori Brotto, Ph.D., Canada Research Chair in Women’s Sexual Health and Professor, Department of Obstetrics & Gynaecology, University of British Columbia and author, Better Sex Through Mindfulness“If you can only buy one book to help you understand sexuality in general, and sex in relationships in particular―this book is it.” ―Margie Nichols, PhD. Founder and President, Institute for Personal Growth, Jersey City, NJ “Covers everything from how to know if you're really excited (it's not what you think) to how to handle the sexual consequences of your husband’s ADHD. This book is one I'll be recommending to colleagues and clients for many years to come.” ―Lori Gottlieb, psychotherapist, New York Times bestselling author of Marry Him, and New York Magazine "What Your Therapist Really Thinks" columnist“Rich with wisdom, compassion, curiosity, and joy. Its profoundly healing invitation to love comes through on every page.” ―Alexandra H. Solomon, Ph.D., Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychology at Northwestern University. Author, Loving Bravely: 20 Lessons of Self-Discovery to Help You Get the Love You Want "The wisest and most profound of anything I've read in a long time concerning the challenge of staying sexually alive in a long relationship. In a voice that manages to be frank, clear, unflinching , non-judging and compassionate, Dr. Snyder offers an approach that goes far beyond the fashions of the moment to what is lasting and real.” ―Joyce Maynard, New York Times bestselling author of At Home in the World and The Best of Us“A tour de force of what a skilled therapist can do to engage and lead clients to insight and personal growth. This is not a how-to-do book, but rather is a front seat on how successful sex therapy really works.” ―Julian Slowinski, Psy.D., co-author, The Sexual Male: Problems and Solutions“A breath of fresh air! Opens up new possibilities for understanding desire in long term relationships." ―Flavia Dos Santos, Caracol TV, Bogota. Author, Sexo Sin Misterios and Sexo Mandamiento“Brilliant, funny, useful and a joy to read. I think this book will go far toward helping people practically understand how to keep a vibrant, loving, creative, and intimate sex life alive over the life cycle of a long-term relationship.” ―David Ortmann, LCSW, co-author of Sexual Outsiders: Understanding BDSM Sexualities and Communities“Dr. Snyder reminds us that in marriage, it is not new toys or novel positions but feelings that are the final erotic frontier.” ―Peggy J. Kleinplatz, Ph.D., Professor and Director of Sex and Couples Therapy Training at the University of Ottawa, Canada “Master sex therapist Dr. Stephen Snyder takes us beneath the surface to the complex emotions and vulnerabilities that inhabit our sexual underground, then brings us back up again to connect with our true sexual selves.” ―Ian Kerner, Ph.D. LMFT, New York Times bestselling author of She Comes First “Anyone with any interest in this topic (which should mean everyone!) will enjoy the sanity, groundedness, and unflagging sense of humor that Dr Snyder brings to his work and his writing. I can't imagine anyone reading this book without coming away with a sense of gratitude toward its plainspoken, funny, and wise author.” ―Nathan Kravis, M.D., Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College and author of On the Couch“You won't agree with everything, and there will be some things that undoubtedly will make you uncomfortable. But if you want to have some fun reading a book that will actually improve your sex life, this is the book for you.” ―Jed Diamond, Ph.D. Founder, MenAlive. Author, The Irritable Male Syndrome and Surviving Male Menopause “It’s a fun read. But it’s also a deep read, because in the end, Snyder is prescribing a return not to sex per se, but to erotic life. It’s not a ‘how-to’ book. It’s a ‘why’ and a ‘what’ book. As such, it may actually live up to its title.” ―Rosalyn Dischiavo, Founder and Director of the Institute for Sexuality Education & Enlightenment. Author of The Deep Yes: The Lost Art of True Receiving“One of the most gifted therapists in the sexuality field today.” ―Kathryn Hall, Ph.D., president of The Society for Sex Therapy and Research and author of Reclaiming Your Sexual Self“Most sex advice in books and on the internet today is wrong. Dr. Snyder explains why. There are at least ten core concepts here that will motivate and empower couples everywhere―including some that are unique and not found anywhere else.” ―Barry McCarthy, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology at American University and author of Rekindling Desire“A must-read for therapists who are not sex experts, this book is a guided tour of what happens when sex falls apart, and how to put it back together again.” ―Susan C. Vaughan, M.D., Director of the Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research, and author of The Talking Cure “I have very rarely been so impressed with the practicality and engagement of a couples’ guide to maintaining long-term intimacy. Dr. Snyder’s approach is incredibly compelling and will serve readers of this book well. I am so glad he has made his work available to all.” ― Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., author of The Married Sex Solution: A Realistic Guide to Saving Your Sex Life“What Dr. Snyder shows us is that the best sex is in a committed relationship, and that working together, couples can have the best sex imaginable―and he gives multiple suggestions on how to achieve that. I would highly recommend his book to my patients who really want the joys of a long term relationship, and want to have continued fabulous sex.” ―Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., Clinical Professor in the Department of Obstetrics, Gynecology and Reproductive Sciences at Yale Medical School

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About the Author

STEPHEN SNYDER, M.D., is a sex and relationship therapist and writer, with a national reputation as one of the most creative thinkers in the sex field today. An Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City, Dr. Snyder is a guest on major media outlets nationwide and writes for Psychology Today and The Huffington Post. He lives with his wife and children in New York City.

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Product details

Paperback: 304 pages

Publisher: St. Martin's Griffin; Reprint edition (January 15, 2019)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1250113105

ISBN-13: 978-1250113108

Product Dimensions:

5.6 x 0.8 x 8.3 inches

Shipping Weight: 9.1 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)

Average Customer Review:

4.8 out of 5 stars

119 customer reviews

Amazon Best Sellers Rank:

#25,242 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

Forget the title. Like “listicles”, it seems that publishers believe that every sexuality book has to market itself this way or die. This book doesn’t teach about how to have “ridiculously good sex”. It’s not actually a how-to book, it’s a how-to-understand book—which is probably a better idea. Snyder takes his many years of experience working with couples and shares some very helpful ideas. I found many gems in this book, and I can recommend it as a good read that may be instrumental for many who struggle with repetitive sexual problems in their relationship or relationships.First, it must be noted (as the author himself states) that Snyder works mostly with cisgender, heterosexual couples, so even though there are one or two examples of queer couples in his book, it is largely a straight, cis lens. Having said this, many of his insights are intra-psychic as well as interpersonal, and as such, may be relatable across the queer-straight divide. Also of note is that Snyder is religious, and this comes through in his quotes as well as his values. For what it’s worth, I found him unpreachy, and I appreciated that the author reveals his faith early so that the reader can decide what may and may not be relevant to them. He also uses language and concepts that are relatable to many different expressions of spirituality.Now for the gems. I found many. Snyder has been in practice a long time—over 30 years. He has learned a lot, and passes it on to his readers. He begins by talking about the sexual self as well as sexual feelings, and how to care for them. He lays out some key pieces of the psychological end of arousal. He speaks of the sexual self—an interpretation of Avodah Offit’s work--as a less-than verbal, simple (but not easy) part of ourselves. Within this insight come many:• “If it feels like work, don’t do it. Sex should never feel like work, as you know.”• “You don’t have to return your partner to a state of quiescence every time they get excited.”• “It’s absolutely crucial that when you go looking for (erotic inspiration), that you first look within yourself.”If you’re reading this and find yourself critical of these insights, or if they seem simplistic, I encourage you to read them within the context of the book, where they make more sense and are placed in a much deeper frame of reference. I can’t do the richness of Snyder’s writing and thinking justice in this brief review.Snyder also discusses the deterioration of the Sensate Focus method to the point where it is now practiced in the opposite manner it was intended, due to decades of poor communication of the concept. He calls for a return to the original method, which made this sexologist take note to research this in greater depth.The author sets up a lot of great models for his couples: The Two-Step, the Simmer, arousal models. He also discusses what he calls “Sex Knots”—common conundrums couples become engaged in, and offers some simple fixes to try at the book’s end.He also has a great sense of humor. One of my favorite lines from the first chapter, “There are better ways of handling a ‘no.’ They all involve first resolving not to freak out.’” He calls a section on scent, “Of Sweaty T-Shirts and the Tops of Baby’s Heads.” It’s a fun read.But it’s also a deep read, because in the end, Snyder is prescribing a return not to sex per se, but to erotic life. He’s prescribing mindfulness, attention, playfulness, spirit, intimacy and joy, all in the not unreasonable hope that in becoming more erotically alive, the reader can also become more sexually alive.It’s not a “how-to” book. It’s a “why” and a “what” book. As such, it may actually live up to its title.

Dr. Snyder's book offers wise advice for couples that seek to repair or just nurture their sexual intimacy. His approach is fundamentally different than any other "sex" book you have ever read. Sex books typically focus entirely on sex, with little attention to relationship or heart-to-heart intimacy. Relationship books are at the other extreme - focusing on relationship with little focus on sex. Dr. Snyder finds the midpoint - focusing on practical ways to build or nurture intimacy, in ways that will likely lead to desire and arousal, and so set the stage for joyful and fulfilling sex.The fundamental idea here is that sex is about feelings - primarily your own feelings. And, that it is healthy to listen to and understand those feelings. By doing so, you set the stage for lasting, joyful and fulfilling sexual intimacy with your beloved.I got to the end wishing there was more, and also feeling just a bit like "Is that all?" The ideas are so simple, and much of the book is repetitive as he focuses on about three or four simple ideas and uses a variety of stories to illustrate how these ideas could play out in real life. Snyder is a great story-teller, and the stories illustrate how you would put his ideas into action, and how to work change in your relationship.One example to give you a flavor of the approach of the book - something Dr. Snyder calls "simmering." Dr. Snyder suggests that over the years, couples lose the idea that small moments of low level arousal are a good thing. Foe example, the wife may think that arousing her husband without moving forward to sex is cruel, that if he gets aroused that she has an obligation to provide sexual release. Dr. Snyder calls B.S. on this, and encourages couples to enjoy moments of intentional arousal as an activity to be enjoyed for its own sake, and without any expectation or pressure for anything else. So, before heading out the door in the morning, have a full body hug, wrap your arms around each other, kiss deeply, inhale each other's scent and look deeply into your spouse's eyes. This is a two minute recharge to your relationship. Something you can do even when sex is not immediately in the cards, even when one spouse is absolutely, definitely not up for sex. Simply enjoy the "charge" of being aroused by your spouse. Reading about simmering in his book lead to one of those "Aha!" kind of moments, where you recognize something you sort of almost (but not quite) understood, but could never quite put into words.I read this through quickly - always thinking "OK, this guy is definitely on to something." Now, I'll go back and re-read slowly and thoughtfully. Thinking carefully about how to put these ideas into action so that I can nurture the kind of intimacy I want in my own marriage.I've been married for a long time. Our relationship is solid and loving. But, long term relationships are not easy. You have to be intentional about nurturing your love for each other. Dr. Snyder's ideas are simple, but solid. This is a book that really speaks to me.

"The Rules of Desire are Rules of the Heart." What a beautiful opening to chapter 1. Be prepared to be surprised (Great sex isn't necessarily about what you think it is) and delighted. Dr. Stephen Snyder is a wise, loving and witty guide for navigating the waters of this most essential topic. Every couple should read this book and there's be a lot more great sex--and a lot more happiness--out there. Thank you, Dr. Snyder. I am so enjoying this book and recommending it to all my friends. I recommend it to you, as well!

I have followed Dr. Snyder's blogs and other on line articles. He has an intelligent, creative, knowledgeable approach to discussion of sex and relationships. He makes this subject matter natural(no feeling of right or wrong) he writes in an easy, accessible manner..as though you are having a non judgemental discussion with a very insightful friend..throw in a dash of humor and you have a book like none other. No" how to" list or complicated preparations. Just be there and open to feel a kind of closeness and delight like no other guide. I read this quickly because it is engaging..even went back to parts to re-enjoy Dr. Snyder's style, antidotes. This book is never a boring, how to guide. It is so on point and so touching in discovering the wonders of true love of self and ur other. This is for everyone and i am sure you will not feel the same about urself, your partner and what is possible in your most intimate realms. I will be reading it again as I gain new insights with each sit down with "Love Worth Making". Dr. Snyder is special and this book is a reflection of that specialness.

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